A website that makes me laugh

My bff  infertility buddy (who's currently on her 2ww!!) sent me this site and I'm sitting here laughing as I post it on my blog.

http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/

This post in particular made me laugh out loud!

Dear Fertility God, Regular God, Mother Nature, or To Whom It May Concern (including Oprah),
I understand that you’re busy. You have large responsibilities and a lot of things going on right now. I understand if you’re working on the oil spill, curing diseases and figuring who will take over for Oprah Winfrey after she leaves the network. I get it. You’re busy. But listen. There are a lot of us out there who really want to be mothers and we know we would make very good parents. We have gotten a taste of infertility (and it tastes awful) but we are ready to move forward to a pregnancy and a baby. We know that infertility has made us stronger and more sensitive, and we promise that we will cherish our babies every single day and give hope to others struggling with infertility.
But serious, Fertility God/Mother Nature, infertility is making us weird. We spend too many hours staring at the toilet paper, charting our basal temperature, googling our fake pregnancy symptoms and crying at baby showers. We use words like “ovulation” and “cervical mucus” like they are apart of normal conversation. Infertility is truly making us weird and we aren’t weird people. Just pointing out that it doesn’t serve society well when people are weird.
Mother Nature, from one mother to another, you know a lot about fertilization and we could really use that knowledge right about now. Next time, you fertilize something, consider throwing a little soil our way. Thank you for your consideration.
Yours Truly,
WMWWNGUH (Wanna-be Mothers who will Never give up Hope)

I want a Baby Bump, not another speed bump...

First, Acupuncture was really awesome. Julie Silver, was extremely kind and very knowledgeable about infertility and has offered some wonderful suggestions. I am now doing a whole body detox, and will be adding Chinese herbs on Monday when I go back. I am limiting my white flour, and slowly changing up my diet. The needles didn't hurt, and it really felt good to relax and take the time to meditate when I was doing the "needle" part. I had needles in my feet, belly, forehead, top of my head, around my knees and hands. I've got to help balance out my liver and blood stagnation.


Now on to the speed bump. I went yesterday for what I thought was day 3 of my newest cycle. Well, it turns out, my estrogen levels were at 150 and my FSH was down to 1.2 (maybe the wheat grass is working???) The doctor knew, even before she got "wandy" out, that I still had cysts. Sure enough, I have a 17 mm on the right and a 3cm on the left. Good news, we could great preggers off of the one follicle...the bad news...we have to wait until I get my "real" period. C'mon! Seriously...if this was a "pretend" period, was the bleeding necessary??? So, we play the waiting game again. My  body just can't seem to rebound from the hormones that I injected into it in December. I think I'm  most bummed out about the possibility of sacrificing our family trip to Florida, but in the scheme of things, it will all day be worth it.


I also realized, that this isn't the end of our journey. We WILL get pregnant. We WILL have a family. It's just on God's terms, not mine. Which, sometimes you just have to surrender yourself to nature and God's will.

The other thing I had an epiphany about is that other might view me as possibly emotionally fragile. I'm not going to lie, I have my moments. Don't we all though? I'm so happy for those around me that are conceiving and having families. I learned that what you give out is what you get back. So, I don't wish ill will towards any friends and family that are pregnant or who are trying to not be successful. That karma is just too dangerous to play with. Instead, my wise yoga teacher said, if you want love, wish love on the person that makes your skin crawl the most or to the person who needs it most, even if they get on your every last nerve. It takes a  strong person to wish our "enemies" love and kindness, and in return, you will get back the same thing. So, I continue that philosophy, because I know that someday, our will to have several healthy and happy babies will come back to us.

It's not always easy to stay positive, but in the long run, it is so much better for my soul!

Needles to say....

I made an appointment with an acupuncturist for next Monday who deals specifically with infertility. I am looking at this delayed IVF as a chance to take on opportunities to better our odds in March. It's a good chance for me to see what natural things I can do to take care of my body. I have already lost 6lbs since the holidays. I figure that if I can get close to my wedding weight, I'll be healthier and in a better state. I've dug out my yoga DVD and started exercising with that. All things things can only lead to a stronger me, and that is not a bad thing. So bring on the needles and herbal supplements! :)

Pack your patience....

Wednesday I was in for a big shock. After going to my U/S appointment, we were told that I have a 7mm cyst on my right ovary which meant no IVF this month. Why? My BC obviously did not do what it was supposed to for the two weeks we were on hiatus. My doctor is truly amazing though, because although this is a "wrench in our plans", she came up quickly with a course of treatment to put us back on the path for IVF in March. Quickly, you might be thinking, well, Patrick and I are choosing the slower of the quicker options. First, I have to wait until I get my "real" period this month. Then, we are going to monitor everything au natural (BBT, estrodial levels, estrogen levels, OPK) and after I ovulate, I will go on two estrogen patches a day until my next period. THEN, if there are no cysts, we can proceed. So, God is telling us to pack our patience. While I was COMPLETELY heartbroken on Wednesday, I know that there is a bigger plan, and we WILL have a baby, it's just going to be a little longer than we thought. In the meantime, that random cyst could be a follie, and we could miraculously get preggers. Now, that's a stretch since it's on the right side, but hey, anything is possible. I'm continuing on to live my life and enjoy the time that Patrick and I have been given together to enjoy each other before our family multiplies by 1 or 2. We are taking advantage of the "date" nights without the babysitter costs, living life without daycare, and just being us. I did get to go see my all time favorite singer, Sarah McLachlan last night and she played the song "Answer." Tears welled up as the words resonated:

  If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end

For now, I've packed my patience and courage into my heart, and will continue living my life and enjoying every minute. God has granted me so many wonderful people to give us strength and help catch us when we fall down, but as they say, you need to dust yourself off, and start all over again. 

A plan for 2011

I'm not entirely sad to see 2010 go. It wasn't a bad year by any means, because we have the love and support of our friends and family. Things just didn't quite materialize as we had thought. There are bigger plans for us, and we are looking forward to what life has in store for 2011!

We are starting the IVF process. I went for my day 3 blood work and my FSH levels dropped from 9.7 last month to 8.0! The wheat grass must be working! I will continue to drink my yummy cocktail in the morning. With a little bit of apple juice, it's palatable. I've definitely tasted worse!

So, I've been taking my birth control pills and I stop those on the 2nd! :) I start ultra sounds and shot and then we have a tentative date for our retrieval and transfer at the end of the month. I won't lie, it's EXTREMELY scary, because we WILL be pregnant. That's something we've never had before....

I'm putting all of this into a higher power's good will, because I know that if I spend the time focusing my nervous energy on it, I'm bound to go crazy! I will be focusing on my birthday, husband, family, and schoolwork.

Happy 2011 all! :) We are so very blessed for all of your prayers and positive thoughts and comments. Without your love and support, this journey would be a very long and lonely one! We love you all!

Next baby steps

AF came on with a vengence yesterday. That means we are definitley not pregnant. I could sit and throw myself a pity party, but I know that will not do my soul any good. I am choosing to move forward and we now what we must do. I start my journey of IVF tomorrow. I go for my day 3 FHS blood work. I'm hoping that my 9.7 level has gone down a bit. I did some reading on Wheatgrass and started drinking it about 4 days ago. It really is not as disgusting as it sounds, believe it or not. It gives me A LOT of energy and is a natural appetitie surpressent. :) It's supposed to bring the horomone levels down, so, if that is what will help, I will keep on drinking it! Plus there are other great benefits to it. I figure it can't kill me, so I drink up every morning!

So, this holiday season, we can rest a little easier knowing that we have aplan and it starts now. :) It's not what we would have chosen if we did get the choice, but since God seems to have a different plan for us, we choose to have a family and this is the means we are given to do so.

Merry Christmas everyone and may you have a blessed holiday with friends and family!

A Christmas Miracle?

Today's IUI happened this morning. We triggered on Wednesday night, which by the way, that shot hurt like a mofo! It burned under myskin until I fell asleep. I had a 18 mm follie on Tuesday, so I'm hoping things worked out for the us today. I knew I was hormonal when I heard a song by Orianthi on the radio and it brought me to tears. It was about courage...amd for all of us faced with this journey of infertility, it takes courage and wanting a baby more than anything else to see it through. So I post you the lyrics :)

"Courage" by Orianthi
Take all my vicious words


And turn them into something good

Take all my preconceptions

And let the truth be understood

Take all my prized possessions

Leave only what I need

Take all my pieces of doubt

And let me be what's underneath

Courage is when you're afraid,

But you keep on moving anyway

Courage is when you're in pain,

But you keep on living anyway

We all have excuses why

Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings

It's not how high he flies,

But the song he sings

Courage is when you're afraid,

But you keep on moving anyway

Courage is when you're in pain,

But you keep on living anyway

It's not how many times you've been knocked down

It's how many times you get back up

Courage is when you've lost your way,

But you find your strength anyway

Courage is when you're afraid

Courage is when it all seems grey

Courage is when you make a change,

And you keep on living anyway

You keep on moving anyway

You keep on giving anyway

You keep on loving anyway