Presenting.......

Our tater tot! :)

Today I just want to feel normal again

This waiting thing is HORRIBLE. It's like the two week wait from hell, or at least that is what it feels like today. I'm typically a very strong person, and after all the things we've been through, I'm surpised I've made it this far without having a mental breakdown.

Today, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of obsessing over EVERY little symptom. There really haven't been symptoms except for the horrible gas and bloating I get leading up to my period.

I have this gut feeling it didn't work. I know, STAY positive. It's just an instinct that I feel, and I can't explain it.

The other thing that I can't really seem to get over today is my fragility. Most days I can handle the "We're expecting news" or the complaints about pregnancy (Trust me, most of my friends have been SO good about this) but today, I realized that part of my can't all of the time. When I finally get to the point where I can shout things from the roof top, I know I will be extra sensitive to those who are struggling with the same journey. One can NEVER understand the emotions tied to infertility, especially when the world seems to be pregnant around you. If I keep my guard up, don't seem overly anxious or excited to talk about babies or pregnancy issues, it's not that I don't care, it's just that my heart cannot handle it at this time.

Overall, I will stay strong...and I have a feeling I will pee on a HPT by day 6 or 7...I don't know if I can wait much longer.....

3 days...is a long wait..so far

Ok, so sitting (well laying) for 3 days, is enough to drive me (and my poor back) crazy! I know everyone says I should enjoy it, but honestly, if you know me, I cannot stand sitting still...even if it's the doctor's orders. I think the worst is, I feel fine. At least when you are sick, you feel crummy enough that staying in bed feel like a good idea! :)

These 3 days have dragged on, and I keep waffling between the thoughts "this worked" to "this didn't work and we are going to have to try try again" which is a bit frustrating. I mean really? this 2 week wait is a bit more stressful, only because I am "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise. The sad part is, this is the closest we've ever been to pregnant, which I should be rejoicing, but on the other hand, this is not a guarantee, so it brings up a lot of worrying and anxiety. I know, it's out of my hands. I need to be patient. Trust me, anything you've thought of to say, I've said it to myself a million times. It just doesn't make the waiting any easier.

I know our time could be right around the corner...but I would just like to state...I hate waiting. :)

Transfer Day

At 11:15 today we transferred our 8 cell embryo. All went well and there isn't really a whole lot to report. I am on bed rest today and can resume light activity tomorrow.. Now the 2ww wait begins. We got to see our little tater tot before it was implanted. It brought tears to my eyes since it's been a long journey. We are waiting for them to email us the picture. I will post it as soon as I get it. I would advise signing up for the email alert, since I'm not sure how or when I'll update this. We'll bet getting our blood draw on the 9th of April to find out if this all worked out....so we'll see!!

Keep praying!

One?

Out of our 7, only 1 fertilized to good quality using ICSI. I know it only takes one, but this reduces our chances severely. I know all it takes is one, but we aren't even guaranteed this one will make it to day 3 to transfer. Needless to say, we are heartbroken. :(

Lucky Number 7!

Today's retrieval went seamlessly!  We arrived at 7:00 to the lab. After checking in, I was taking to the back, where I was given a nice new gown! :) I had my vitals taken, and was then wisked away to the procedure room. I had the best team of nurses and doctors who were so very very kind and concerned about my well being! I was given a light dose of twilight during the procedure. The doctor was able to retrieve 7 eggs! I know it's not 18 or 30 that I've read on other blogs, but I feel blessed that we were given 7! Upon waking up, I was able to drink some water and use the bathroom, which meant I could go home. My DH stopped to get me breakfast at my favorite muffin place. :) I slept for a portion of the afternoon, and then my BFF came over and played Phase 10 with my DH and I. We'll know more tomorrow on how things have fertilized. It's kind of amazing to me that in a lab, our baby(s) are being created! :)

Here's to 7 baby steps forward today!

Big Babystep today!

The retreival day has finally arrived! I've practically held my breath to get to this point because well, with all the hurdles we've been faced, I didn't think we would get here. My DH gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet last night with my first charm: The Angel of Hope. We hope soon to add several more "milestones" to it!

I will keep you update with how the procedure goes!

Here's to one BIG babystep forward!