Everything happens for a reason....

Today was the big consult appointment. WOW...what a lot of information thrown at you all at once. Patrick was an excellent note taker and I listened intently. I was glad to hear the statement "You don't have the worst case scenario with your endometriosis" and "You have youth on your side." (I'm not sure if they caught that I'm quickly sliding into the home plate with the BIG 30 on it....but hey, I'll take the "your 29 which is excellent still!") We met with the doc for an hour and then turned around and met with the nurse an hour and a half later based on our treatment decision. It's a good thing I had the afternoon off and they were so kind to work with my schedule.

So, our options are IVF and injectables with an IUI. So, we've decided to start with the injectable hormones coupled with an IUI. This procedure is a stepping stone to the IVF if needed after the first of the year. I will wait until day 3 of my cycle and then trek to the hospital at 7AM for same day blood work for estrodial levels and then go for an ultra sound. The nurse will call me that night and let me know if I start my hormone cocktail injection of Menopur and Brevelle. If that is a go, we start shots at the same time every night and go until day 7. Then its another blood test and ultrasound. Then they decide the course of hormone cocktails and when I give myself the hcg injections.

So through all of this, Patrick continues to fight with our insurance since nothing is really covered. BUT there must be a God because the injections are covered by our prescriptions. I wanted to cry, because it would have been darn expensive if they weren't.

The upside to this is we could get pregnant without IVF. The upside to if we don't get pregnant (yes, there is an upside), doc has a baseline for if we have to do the IVF and it takes some of the guess work out of how I will react to the hormones. The IVF is a step we will take if necessary and we are committed to our journey for a family. Here's to baby steps in a positive light!

A new Path

My surgery went ok. I am here and well, I'm acutally doing pretty well! The pain is diminishing...but I don't know whether I should thank time...or the vicadin!

Yesterday went well. I got the the hospital at 7:30. Everyone I encountered there was so kind and calm. The first nurse I met was from Kosovo. She came over to the US when things got bad over there. She used to be a teacher and was very touched that I taught. She was super kind and I could tell that if she had to chose, sh would go back to teaching.

The antestesiologist was wonderful. He spent about 10 minutes with me, and came up with a plan to help reduce the possibility of a horrible reaction to the medication. Although the doctor was running late, I stayed calm. I had my mom, sister, and husband there to keep me company. I asked the operating nurses not to give me the verset as they wheeled me away. It was actually much more calming for me to go into the OR fully awake. They were talking about my job and my husband. They were all so kind and funny. When it was time for the antestic, I was told to imagine some place I wanted to go, so I said London, then Napa Valley and Sonoma...and even joked about the land of brownie houses.

When I came to, I was in pain. I did ask for Patrick, and they let him come back and hold my hand. It was then i was told how the surgery went. Not the news I was hoping for, but it wasn't bad news. My bladder was attached to my uterus and my fallopian tubes were attached to my ovaries which is why it hurt to pee and the IUI's didn't work. So, she placed some new surgical "paper" around my organs in hopes to limit the scar tissue. In addition, she said the best chance for us to get pregnant is to do IVF.

I am at home with the best nurse a girl could ask for. He's taking such good care of me.

We now know what is ahead of us, and that is bringing inner peace, as our journey now has a bit of light at the end of a long tunnel.

Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes. I ask that you continue praying for us, as our baby steps are not quite over. Love you all very much!

7 DPO...and waiting

Well, This month's IUI has been a bit of fun... My OPK decided to go off over Labor day weekend. It in turn got me scolded by the nurse from the Dr's office on Friday. YES, she scolded me. It still kind of irks me that she did. I mean seriously? I wanted to yell through the phone "IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS, TRUST ME, I WOULDN'T CHOOSE IT!" She was upset because I waited until Friday to call, and in the meantime Patrick had inquired to the lab about being open over the weekend. The lab had called Dr. K's office about the OTHER  couple and mentioned that Patrick had called. I actually had to APOLOGIZE to that nurse for being busy and having a life! Grr...but getting past that, we lucked out because the DR had another couple to work with in the office on Sunday, so we got our IUI without much worry. It was different having the DR do it. She seemed to take her time, which the nurse didn't do last time. In addition, the tech at the lab gave Patrick some encouraging words on Sunday. She was the total opposite of the cranky nurse. It was comforting to hear those words and the encouragement after the distress we had been feeling. She told us not to lose hope!

So now we wait...I've made it a week!! YAY! Luckily, I've been working, which has been a complete blessing, because I don't find myself going slowly crazy at home. Yesterday, I spent the day with my good friend and some college friends at her baby shower. It was soooooooooo good to see that good things can come to those who wait. She passed along some "Good Luck" which made me cry. It seems like I've been doing that alot...wanting to cry. Weird...that and hot flashes. My temp this morning was 98.1...the highest its ever been. I've been leaning on my other friend going through the similar process! I'm lucky she has BBIM for me to chat with during my days when I'm at my breaking point..or when I just need a friendly shoulder to listen! Plus, my family has been amazing.

I've made it 7 days...it seems like I lose hope right around here...I don't know why. I mean, I shouldn't right? We have 7 more days until I SHOULD test....that doesn't mean that curiosity won't get the best of my DH and I before then....

Well, here's to another week. Let's hope that my kiddos (who have been COMPLETE ANGELS!!) keep me on my toes and my mind off of the baby train.

Decidely done...

So, I've decided that I'm not letting this whole IUI process stop my life. The husband and I got into a bit of a tiff about it. The meter went to two bars today...which means ovulation is around the corner. Which, on any given weekend, etc, wouldn't be a problem...but it's a holiday weekend...and the doctor's office isn't open on Sunday and Monday...and possibly Saturday. So I guess we will be doing some investigating on whether or not the lab that we go to will be around on the holidays. I'm really not excited about the possibility of someone other than the doctor's office all up in my business, but I'm also not about to waste a month of medication to no couple it with the IUI. I'm done basing my life around all of this...it'll happen when it'll happen...freaking out about the "what ifs" really isn't going to get me or the hubby anywhere but a ticket to anxietyville.

ANYWHO, being back at school has been a big blessing because I can concentrate my energies on that and not sit at home worrying about the whole infertility issues.

Talking about it really has helped me get through the rough days. I know people avoid asking about it, but really, I will say "I don't want to talk about it" if I am not int he mood or can't deal with it at that particular time.

I was joking with the girls at work, because the principal asked to bring in an "artifact" that represented our summers. I wanted to bring in a pee stick and a thermometer! Really, that has represented a good portion of my summer....;) It made me laugh out loud since people were supposed to guess what the artifact meant. Needless to say I ended up bringing in the picture of buzz light year from our astronaut experience from NASA. That was a little less controversial and personal. ;)

Here's to a great 2010-2011 school year! Something to keep my mind off of my personal issues!

And....we wait....

Well, Today was the big IUI day! Nothing to crazy to report. Patrick and I had a lovely breakfast this morning...very low key.We went in at 9:15 and left at 10:00 from the doctor's office. Apparently I was the first patient that wanted to put my pants back on while I laid there for 20 mins after the procedure. Umm...it's cold..and I really don't think a paper cloth is going to cut it! I think all those years of dance and marching band experience made it easy to put clothes on while laying down! hahah! OH and a freind of mine told me to go to my happy place during the procedure which consisted of houses made of brownies! So, I that's what I did, thought of brownie houses and did my yoga breathing! :)

I didn't sleep last night. I think partly because of the nerves and excitement. I don't usually deal with change very well...ok I don't deal with change very well. AT ALL. I like the normalcy that life brings and the routines that are set up. I know that having a baby with change all of that, and moreover I will have a little person dependent on me. I know my husband as well, but it just seems like a whole lot! I always ask myself, why bring a child into a world with such hate, violence, and uncertainty, but then I look at my mom and dad and realize they probably had the same fears and concerns. And I have to say, they did a GREAT job raising me, because I think I turned out pretty normal. So while I am ready to start my family, my nerves are getting the best of me! It was a good thin I had the opportunity to go clean at our rental house, because it really helps reduce my stress levels! That bathtub never looked so sparkly!! :) hee hee..
So here we are, playing the waiting game. Please pray that this works. Little miracles and baby steps...

8 9 10

Today is 8-9-10....and our stick FINALLY has a happy face! So tomorrow is the big day....and then the waiting game continues again! :) So day 15 proved to be the big day! I can tell that I have been on meds, because my abdomen feels bloated with a lot of pressure. I'm sure that it'll go away, but I can definitely tell my body is not "itself".

This weekend was filled with lots of laughter! I spent it with my family since it was my Aunt and Uncle's 40th Anniversary. It really is good for the soul to spend time with your family. When it comes down to it, they are what you have!

Here's to the baby steps tomorrow!

Big Step for a Baby

Today was our appointment with the Dr. She met with us for about 30 minutes. She explained the medical interventions that we would have to look at at the first tier of infertility. Dr. discussed the differences between Chlomid and Femera. We chose to go with the Femera for several reasons:

1) It only stays in the body for 48 hrs, thus lessening the side effects and decreasing any birth defect risks
2) It does not effect the uterine lining
3) It does not effect the cervical mucus
4) It has about a 40% success rate for pregnancy with IUI
5) It has a lower miscarriage rate

So, I guess it was God talking, because tomorrow is Day 3 of my cycle, and well, that's when you are supposed to start taking the medication. The Dr was suggesting we wait until September, but because school is starting then, I asked if we could start now. After all was said and done, I walked out with a script and an appointment to meet with the nurse on Thursday.

I guess I'm feeling more excited and nervous than anything. I want this to work, because I don't want to know what the next level of treatment is. Maybe I'll be pregnant by the end of the month? Keep says prayers!

On a side note: I went to yoga yesterday and practices for the "blues". We did all kinds of gentle back bends to lift our spirits out of depression. It felt so good and it was so calming. I have to thank my mom for calling me and asking me to go to class! Then, today I was at CVS picking up my prescription and there was a woman crying in front of the pregnancy monitors. I don't know what was causing her pain, but I did say a little prayer and sent happy thoughts her way. I wanted to tell her it would be OK, and if she was pregnant, how lucky she really is. Ironic in a way...

There any many baby steps to take on this journey.

Sunshine and hope

We are back from our lovely vacation! When the above view is your view everyday, and you can walk the shoreline hand in hand with the one you love, nothing gets better than that! It was a much needed escape from the everyday realities. My problems seemed to melt away! Spending time with the love of your life, and your two best friends is great medicine for the soul!!

Now that we are back, I started my period. It seems like it does that after flying. We thought this was going to be the week, but it's ok, because we are back to the beginning again. We go on Tuesday to Dr. to find out the next steps.

It is amazing, because as I write this, I've heard of more stories over the past few weeks of friends and family struggling to conceive. I feel that if we can be open about our journey, it will help break the silence that this journey is easy for everyone, or least it appears easy. I think the support and love that we have gotten from those we have shared our new journey with has been overwhelmingly positive, and for that we are forever grateful. Here are to the baby steps we will learn about on Tuesday...

Sun and Sand

Patrick and I have both gone through our preliminary tests. The good news is we have both checked out OK! So, the trying continues. We do have a consultation with the doctor to explore our next steps. I'm guessing from what I have personally discussed with the Dr., she will recommend the Chlomid and IUI. I'm hoping that we don't have to get there, and God will grant us a baby before that; however, we will do what it takes to start our family! Baby steps...

On top of this we have been dealing with stress with our second home. The renters left it a mess...but call it fate, Patrick called a dumpster company and the guy was 2 miles from the house with a dumpster and gave it to us for $100 less! So, since fate spoke, we spent the day cleaning up and pitching out their crap. New paint and some tile in the basement will spruce it back up to it's original state! :)

Now it is time to relax, on a beach, and have our worries melt away in the sun! :)

Our Journey Begins

It looks as if Patrick and I are beginning down a new road to have a baby. When I was a sweet and innocent 13 year old, I knew that I most likely had endometriosis. I started with one of the best gynecologists in the area. She has watched me grow and monitored my health. At 18, I decided it was time for a laproscopy. So, over my senior year spring break, I underwent surgery. By the grace of God and the angels around me, the doctor removed the endometriosis, as well as saved my right ovary that was intertwined with my appendix. No wonder why I was in so much pain! I started taking birth control continuously and that helped me for almost 6 years. I elected to have surgery again in January of 2005. The endometriosis was not as invasive and the course of treatment was helping keep the endometriosis under control. The best news: I could still have children!

Last August, we began trying to start our family. The doctor said to go off my medication, and wait for my cycles to regulate. To my surprise, it regulated, almost on schedule! However, with all the kits, temperature taking, etc, we have been unsuccessful. Luckily, it was time for my yearly appointment. So Thursday, we started our journey. Today I had my sonohysterogram. Good News! My uterus and tubes look open and good. I had some soreness on my right side, but that is probably due to scar tissue. I do have some endometriosis on my uterus, but nothing to cause immediate surgery! Yay!

So, Patrick and I begin the new journey. We knew it may come to this, but together we can do anything. I know that with the support of friends and family, anything is possible. And at the end, there will be a baby. Until then, we continue to take baby steps. :)