5 day tease

I thought maybe this month we had got it on our own. The OPK didn't work right, my temps were all wacky and I seriously wanted to throw it all in the garbage. It's really not fun to do the BD when you are peeing on sticks and having that dictate to you when to ... well do it.

So, Saturday came and went...no AF. Then Sunday ..Monday, Tuesday..still NOTHING..I peed on two PT but got the BFN. I thought...well, maybe it's too early to tell. But alas, Thursday morning came, and there she appeared, in full fiery force. It's weird because I don't get cramps anymore and I really didn't feel much of anything.

Here's to hoping we get lucky on our own...it sure is less expensive!!!! :)

Two steps back...

After my sonohystogram, I thought "maybe this will be our month" after everything was cleared out. But, we ended up with AF last week. I was heartbroken because I thought we might have had this one on our own. So, I went to get all the medication and stuff lined up, and in the process we decided we couldn't do it right now. Our lives are just not in the place we were when we were trying for our first. So we decided to get the medication filled (which btw the way is WRONG and they gave me 5 viles of each....I don't know how that is supposed to work when the one drug requires 4 viles a day..so I'm off to figure that out tomorrow...) Anywho, we are going to possibly try an IUI in January, and if that doesn't work, we'll explore IVF in the summer months when school is not in session and I'm not bound to a strict 8-3 schedule. 

So, two steps back, but in the mean time we are going to enjoy our perfect little family. 

It's like we never left....

We went for out consult and have decided to move forward with more treatment. Patrick and I have opted to do the sonohystagram (this THURSDAY!) and then move forward with and IUI with injectable drugs in October. If that doesn't work, then we will talk about IVF in January.

It was an eerie feeling getting the scripts and the bloodwork paperwork. Part of me had flashbacks as if we just did it yesterday. It's funny how everything floods back to you, including the emotions of wanting another baby. I came home and kissed my beautiful girl on the head and rocked her to sleep with tears streaming down my face because I realized just how lucky we are and that our journey ended in such a miracle the first time.

Here's the the next journey and hoping our footsteps lead us down a similar path....

Starting again

So, AF showed up this morning again, which I had a hunch based on dropping temps and cramping yesterday. I'm glad my body has returned to normal cycles, 26 days on the dot!

DH and I discussed our next plan of action. We are both in agreement that if my tubes are truly blocked, that we are going to possibly skip the IUI and head right back to IVF. We won't be able to do this until January in order to get our HRA money. What it does mean, it talking to the RE, getting her opinion, and just jumping in feet first.

I know some people will say "Try Naturally. So many people I know did IVF and then got pregnant with their second on their own."  DH and I want to believe that this too would be our fate, but medical facts of my tubes being full of scar tissues is hard to ignore. We will continue to try until after the first of the year.

I know some other folks might think "You have one beautiful healthy baby. Isn't that enough?" My DD is the most wonderful gift God could have ever blessed us with. I will NEVER take her for granted, but there is this piece of me, our family, that just seems incomplete in some regard. It's hard to express to those who have not walked this journey or who get pregnant if they sneeze. While our family is perfect now, we still have the desire to make it grow. It's not necessarily selfish, but just a hope and dream we continue to have.

So, Monday I call the RE. I'm going to go back on my quest to lose some weight, gain some muscle and take care of myself better than I have been.

Here's to the journey to the next addition to our little family. :)

New Course of Action

I've decided to contact my RE and let her know that we have started trying. Part of me gets this panicked feeling like we are running out of time, but I know that we have a good window to have another baby. I know that having a baby naturally COULD happen, but knowing the damage to my tubes and how wacky my hormones are, I best get started now, rather than wasting precious time. I love my little girl more than life itself, but I know there is one more little one out there to complete our family. So tomorrow I will make the call to figure out the next steps in our journey.

Currently waiting

So while we are "trying" for baby number 2, we decided not to take the super scientific approach the first few months. I've only monitored my temps a bit, and I have not been using my Ovulation monitor. Maybe we can start that in the fall, but I figured I'm going to put it in God's hands right now. With the baby, the 2ww isn't so bad...and I don't think it's 2 weeks with me anyways! Here's to always waiting, wishing and hoping!

Baby #2?

Our sweet baby girl continues to amaze me everyday. I cannot believe she is already 7 and a half months old already. I say down today and was reading through the trials and tribulations we went through to have her, and I must say, while it brings tears to me eyes, the tears are mostly of joy because I have a healthy, happy baby girl to hold. (Well, when she lets me now!)

Of course the question comes up, are we ready to try for baby #2? I figured that like the first, my blog is a good place to turn, because I'm not sure what the 2nd journey will bring. The question always comes to my mind "Will we have to endure the same process? Will IVF become our fate once again? Can I watch those I love around me get pregnant again before me? Do I have the strength to walk down this emotional rollercoaster?" If these questions pose to be true, we are more than ready to go through with it again. I will hold my head up high, smile, and know that there is a bigger plan for us. However, in the meantime,we continue to enjoy our beautiful little girl and know that if another baby isn't in our future, we have been blessed with a miracle and a blessing far beyond what I can put into words!

So here's to our 2nd journey, no matter where it leads us. :)

Breakthrough

Well, we ALMOST built a house. I say almost because I came close to having a nervous breakdown. Why? I think was was afraid to be consumed with this house and then miss out on my baby girl's first year. What happens if she is our only child? What happens if I'm not longer able to have children? While I believe in my heart that we will have another baby, I have to face the reality that we may not be able to. I guess what it shows is that I will always be infertile. I know for a time I was pregnant, and blessed with a miracle, but that doesn't mean I won't have the same struggles again for baby number 2. It's a world that I was not part of for 9 months, but slowly walked back into as soon as my baby girl was born. It's a world where I know I find strength and support from those around me. One that is familiar. Here's to hoping baby #2 is around the corner...