Prayers

Please send some prayers our way. The 3rd IUI should bein the next few days....I've come to the conclusion this has to work. God has to have a baby for us. I've acutally not spent a whole lot of time thinking about it, but today it seemed to hit me when we were taking family photos. I yeared for a little one to be in "our" family photo. But, for now, I love my DH and the lazy puppy that is sleeping next to me sweetly on the couch. :)

Prayers and positive thoughts this way are welcome!

Dust yourself off...

This month seemed to be hard to swallow with not having the IUI work. I have felt like breaking down into tears for most of the weekend. On Friday I came home to the most beautiful bouquet of flowers, Indian food, and then a trip to my most favoritest Gelato place.

While my smile seems lost, I know that I will find it. There are many ups and downs in life, and while I am at a down, I can see the light. I know it will not last for long, it never does. I've decided to go back to yoga, at least once a week. The teacher today just had a beautiful aura about her. I felt calmer in her presence. Now, I might be a bit sore tomorrow....and not able to dance, but that's ok! I'm going to work on my physical and spiritual body. I think too, I might go back to our "teen" mass on Sunday evenings. I had lost my earring after going to church yesterday, and when Patrick and I went back to find it, I LOVED the music. It was upbeat, happy, and catchy. It reminded me of why I liked church when I was younger. So, I have two goals. One, yoga, two Church.

So, as a song went when I was elementary school..."Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."

Lower temps...and feeling hopeless

I have to write this before I start my day. I woke up to a lower body temp and a BFN on my HP kit. :( I'm almost postivie that this means no baby...again. I'm feeling a bit hopeless right now. I go through spurts of feeling like "Yes, we will have a family" to "No, something is still wrong and I need to maybe take a more aggressive approach." I'm wondering if surgery should be my next step. It's not something I want to do, but at the same time, I want to begin my family, so I'm in this catch 22. Do I go forth with another round of meds and IUI or do I request the surgery. I don't want to continue wasting money and time if the surgery will "clean things out" so to speak. I'm so confused and blue that it's hard to think about it. Since AF hasn't teachnically started, I  don't want to call the Dr.'s office since I know the bitchy nurse will "yell" at me. Isn't that terrible? I can't call the Dr. office with my concerns because I feel like I'm going to get scolded. This whole process has me a bit sad today...

7 DPO...and waiting

Well, This month's IUI has been a bit of fun... My OPK decided to go off over Labor day weekend. It in turn got me scolded by the nurse from the Dr's office on Friday. YES, she scolded me. It still kind of irks me that she did. I mean seriously? I wanted to yell through the phone "IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS, TRUST ME, I WOULDN'T CHOOSE IT!" She was upset because I waited until Friday to call, and in the meantime Patrick had inquired to the lab about being open over the weekend. The lab had called Dr. K's office about the OTHER  couple and mentioned that Patrick had called. I actually had to APOLOGIZE to that nurse for being busy and having a life! Grr...but getting past that, we lucked out because the DR had another couple to work with in the office on Sunday, so we got our IUI without much worry. It was different having the DR do it. She seemed to take her time, which the nurse didn't do last time. In addition, the tech at the lab gave Patrick some encouraging words on Sunday. She was the total opposite of the cranky nurse. It was comforting to hear those words and the encouragement after the distress we had been feeling. She told us not to lose hope!

So now we wait...I've made it a week!! YAY! Luckily, I've been working, which has been a complete blessing, because I don't find myself going slowly crazy at home. Yesterday, I spent the day with my good friend and some college friends at her baby shower. It was soooooooooo good to see that good things can come to those who wait. She passed along some "Good Luck" which made me cry. It seems like I've been doing that alot...wanting to cry. Weird...that and hot flashes. My temp this morning was 98.1...the highest its ever been. I've been leaning on my other friend going through the similar process! I'm lucky she has BBIM for me to chat with during my days when I'm at my breaking point..or when I just need a friendly shoulder to listen! Plus, my family has been amazing.

I've made it 7 days...it seems like I lose hope right around here...I don't know why. I mean, I shouldn't right? We have 7 more days until I SHOULD test....that doesn't mean that curiosity won't get the best of my DH and I before then....

Well, here's to another week. Let's hope that my kiddos (who have been COMPLETE ANGELS!!) keep me on my toes and my mind off of the baby train.

Decidely done...

So, I've decided that I'm not letting this whole IUI process stop my life. The husband and I got into a bit of a tiff about it. The meter went to two bars today...which means ovulation is around the corner. Which, on any given weekend, etc, wouldn't be a problem...but it's a holiday weekend...and the doctor's office isn't open on Sunday and Monday...and possibly Saturday. So I guess we will be doing some investigating on whether or not the lab that we go to will be around on the holidays. I'm really not excited about the possibility of someone other than the doctor's office all up in my business, but I'm also not about to waste a month of medication to no couple it with the IUI. I'm done basing my life around all of this...it'll happen when it'll happen...freaking out about the "what ifs" really isn't going to get me or the hubby anywhere but a ticket to anxietyville.

ANYWHO, being back at school has been a big blessing because I can concentrate my energies on that and not sit at home worrying about the whole infertility issues.

Talking about it really has helped me get through the rough days. I know people avoid asking about it, but really, I will say "I don't want to talk about it" if I am not int he mood or can't deal with it at that particular time.

I was joking with the girls at work, because the principal asked to bring in an "artifact" that represented our summers. I wanted to bring in a pee stick and a thermometer! Really, that has represented a good portion of my summer....;) It made me laugh out loud since people were supposed to guess what the artifact meant. Needless to say I ended up bringing in the picture of buzz light year from our astronaut experience from NASA. That was a little less controversial and personal. ;)

Here's to a great 2010-2011 school year! Something to keep my mind off of my personal issues!