Presenting.......

Our tater tot! :)

Today I just want to feel normal again

This waiting thing is HORRIBLE. It's like the two week wait from hell, or at least that is what it feels like today. I'm typically a very strong person, and after all the things we've been through, I'm surpised I've made it this far without having a mental breakdown.

Today, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of obsessing over EVERY little symptom. There really haven't been symptoms except for the horrible gas and bloating I get leading up to my period.

I have this gut feeling it didn't work. I know, STAY positive. It's just an instinct that I feel, and I can't explain it.

The other thing that I can't really seem to get over today is my fragility. Most days I can handle the "We're expecting news" or the complaints about pregnancy (Trust me, most of my friends have been SO good about this) but today, I realized that part of my can't all of the time. When I finally get to the point where I can shout things from the roof top, I know I will be extra sensitive to those who are struggling with the same journey. One can NEVER understand the emotions tied to infertility, especially when the world seems to be pregnant around you. If I keep my guard up, don't seem overly anxious or excited to talk about babies or pregnancy issues, it's not that I don't care, it's just that my heart cannot handle it at this time.

Overall, I will stay strong...and I have a feeling I will pee on a HPT by day 6 or 7...I don't know if I can wait much longer.....

3 days...is a long wait..so far

Ok, so sitting (well laying) for 3 days, is enough to drive me (and my poor back) crazy! I know everyone says I should enjoy it, but honestly, if you know me, I cannot stand sitting still...even if it's the doctor's orders. I think the worst is, I feel fine. At least when you are sick, you feel crummy enough that staying in bed feel like a good idea! :)

These 3 days have dragged on, and I keep waffling between the thoughts "this worked" to "this didn't work and we are going to have to try try again" which is a bit frustrating. I mean really? this 2 week wait is a bit more stressful, only because I am "PUPO" (pregnant until proven otherwise. The sad part is, this is the closest we've ever been to pregnant, which I should be rejoicing, but on the other hand, this is not a guarantee, so it brings up a lot of worrying and anxiety. I know, it's out of my hands. I need to be patient. Trust me, anything you've thought of to say, I've said it to myself a million times. It just doesn't make the waiting any easier.

I know our time could be right around the corner...but I would just like to state...I hate waiting. :)

Transfer Day

At 11:15 today we transferred our 8 cell embryo. All went well and there isn't really a whole lot to report. I am on bed rest today and can resume light activity tomorrow.. Now the 2ww wait begins. We got to see our little tater tot before it was implanted. It brought tears to my eyes since it's been a long journey. We are waiting for them to email us the picture. I will post it as soon as I get it. I would advise signing up for the email alert, since I'm not sure how or when I'll update this. We'll bet getting our blood draw on the 9th of April to find out if this all worked out....so we'll see!!

Keep praying!

One?

Out of our 7, only 1 fertilized to good quality using ICSI. I know it only takes one, but this reduces our chances severely. I know all it takes is one, but we aren't even guaranteed this one will make it to day 3 to transfer. Needless to say, we are heartbroken. :(

Lucky Number 7!

Today's retrieval went seamlessly!  We arrived at 7:00 to the lab. After checking in, I was taking to the back, where I was given a nice new gown! :) I had my vitals taken, and was then wisked away to the procedure room. I had the best team of nurses and doctors who were so very very kind and concerned about my well being! I was given a light dose of twilight during the procedure. The doctor was able to retrieve 7 eggs! I know it's not 18 or 30 that I've read on other blogs, but I feel blessed that we were given 7! Upon waking up, I was able to drink some water and use the bathroom, which meant I could go home. My DH stopped to get me breakfast at my favorite muffin place. :) I slept for a portion of the afternoon, and then my BFF came over and played Phase 10 with my DH and I. We'll know more tomorrow on how things have fertilized. It's kind of amazing to me that in a lab, our baby(s) are being created! :)

Here's to 7 baby steps forward today!

Big Babystep today!

The retreival day has finally arrived! I've practically held my breath to get to this point because well, with all the hurdles we've been faced, I didn't think we would get here. My DH gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet last night with my first charm: The Angel of Hope. We hope soon to add several more "milestones" to it!

I will keep you update with how the procedure goes!

Here's to one BIG babystep forward!

8 is GREAT!

Today was another earlier morning with blood work and an ultrasound. My E2 levels are on the rise which is great and my uterine lining is at 6mm! We are scheduled for our retrieval on Tuesday morning at 7:30AM. I need to start taking my antibiotics tomorrow. Today we have 3 shots to do. At 5:00 we have to do the Ganerelix. At 8:30 we have to do our HcG, and at 9:30 we have to do two amps of Bravelle. Then we are IN THE CLEAR!! :) I won't lie, I am nervous about the anesthetic. I don't do well with those drugs...and I'm a bit nervous about the Valium I have to take on Tuesday. I'm contemplating asking if it's really necessary....

So as of today, we have 8 follicles all over 15mm! I am thrilled, because a few days ago, we only had 5. While this doesn't mean we will get all 8, it's a very promising start!

Next Sunday will be our transfer day. I have acupuncture appointments set up for this Monday, and then I'm going to try and go on Saturday next week.

My DH grilled us a GREAT dinner in honor of our trigger! He made blue cheese fillets with zip sauce, asparagus, and onion bread! I'm one lucky girl!! :)

(I love that our purple "IVF" folder is in the background....)

Until then, I'm praying that our follies continue to grow on schedule. The next prayers will be that they fertilize and produce good quality embyos.

A few more baby steps forward...

PS. For all you followers, if you are inclined you can sign up on the right to receive my blog updates via email. :) That way you won't have to guess when I update this thing! :)

The Writing is on the Wall

Well, I was looking forward to sleeping in today, but alas, we had more blood work and another ultrasound. So up at 7:30 we were, and off to the hospital. The good news is, my lining is still thickening, and I have 3 follies on the right (17, 15.5, and 13) and 4 on the left (all between 12-10) so, we are HOPING to have a harvest of 7. It looks like we will be triggering tomorrow night at 8:30 and our retrieval will be Tuesday Morning at 7:30. I think the stars are aligning because Tuesday is our 4 year anniversary of when Patrick and I reconnected. Things always have a funny way of working themselves out. For now, we continue to pray that our follies continue to grow and strengthen to produce us healthy, harvestable eggs. Then we can put in our next prayer request...until then, we keeping making baby steps toward our goal to have our family.

Tired of being poked...

I have been to the doctor everyday now. My estrodial levels were 218 yesterday and we had 6 follicles! I went again today and have 8! Two of the follicles are a bit small, but we have 8! I also did acupuncture today which is truly a blessing. It's just so calming. We had to add ganerilex to our repertoire of shots now since I have a lead follicle at 13.5mm. We are looking at possibly Monday or Tuesday as our retrieval date. It's really starting to hit me will be pregnant next weekend. I'm an emotional, hormonal, and extremely fatigued mess tonight. It comes with the territory of drugs I suppose. Praying that tomorrow's visit is as promising as the last few. :)

5 tiny steps

I went for my U/S today. As predicted, I have 3 follies on the right and 2 follies on the left, all at 7mm. My uterine lining also was great and my E2 level was 117. So, keep praying! We need these 5 follies to continue to grow, grow grow! For now, we continue with the 4 brevelle, 1 menopur regime and hopefully with lots of praying, our "crop" of 5 eggs, keeps on a growin'!!! :)

Easter Egg Hunt!

The DH and I are going on Day 3 of shots. So far he's an AWESOME mixologist and I'm a good pin cushion! The shots hurt more than the ones in December, and I'm thinking it's because we are using more medication that last time. So, we continue to pray for lots of "Easter" eggs to "harvest" in about a week! The anticipation is getting to be a bit overwhelming, but I wouldn't expect it any other way! I have two acupuncture appointments set up for the next week. I was reading an article that said woman who use acupuncture have a 65% more likely success rate for conceiving. I don't want to put the cart before the horse because we need to make sure that we have enough eggs first. Then we have to pray the eggs fertilize. So here is to praying we have more than 5 eggs!

Inching closer

Today was CD 1. I could feel it coming on, and sure enough, AF arrived! So the Dr. called and I got in for an U/S appt at 2:45. I was extremely nervous because the last time I went to start this process, I had cysts. BUT today, we were clear!!!! So we are set to start the 4 viles of Brevelle and 1 menopur on Thursday! I'm excited to start, but I do only have 3 "pre follies" on the right ovary and 2 "pre follies" on the left. So now I start praying that these 5 mature to give us enough to work with in about 2 weeks! The retrieval is set to be somewhere around the 21st and transfer around the 25th, but before we can even get that far, we need enough follicles. My lenten sacrifice to pray everyday for an Easter Miracle...God should be listening right?



Your continued prayers are welcomed!

Aunt Flo...where are you?

Aunt Flo is supposed to be on her merry way tomorrow. I have all the signs of her..but she has yet to show up at my door step....so we keep on waiting! Once it does, we'll be in full swing for IVF.

Until then I leave you with something I laughed at... :)

Eleven of your friends are pregnant. Mindy  is pregnant; Kelly-Sue is expecting and even Bob and his partner Jimbo are having a baby via surrogate.  “There must be something in the water,” Your co-workers and family are saying.”When is it going to be YOUR turn?
Seriously?
Because you’ve been drinking the same water from the same water cooler for months and you’re not pregnant yet. And you highly doubt that Bob and Jimbo’s surrogate strolled over and had a glass before she magically got pregnant (on the first attempt, of course). Listen up! There is nothing in the water! You know because you foolishly convinced yourself that maybe some type of pregnancy hormone was actually lurking in the water, and you’ve been drinking bottle after bottle (also making your co-worker suspicious because you’ve been peeing so much too). And if there was, you’d steal that damn water cooler and drink the entire container in one sitting.
You know what’s in the water?
Arsenic
Calcium
Selenium
Cadmium
Chromium
Mercury
Nitrate
and perhaps some delicious lead.
So unless your fertilized egg and a fertility doctor is swimming around inside that water cooler, there is nothing in the water that made your whole circle of friends preggers. Or perhaps cousin Linda  is just a tad slutty. Just saying…