First, Acupuncture was really awesome. Julie Silver, was extremely kind and very knowledgeable about infertility and has offered some wonderful suggestions. I am now doing a whole body detox, and will be adding Chinese herbs on Monday when I go back. I am limiting my white flour, and slowly changing up my diet. The needles didn't hurt, and it really felt good to relax and take the time to meditate when I was doing the "needle" part. I had needles in my feet, belly, forehead, top of my head, around my knees and hands. I've got to help balance out my liver and blood stagnation.
Now on to the speed bump. I went yesterday for what I thought was day 3 of my newest cycle. Well, it turns out, my estrogen levels were at 150 and my FSH was down to 1.2 (maybe the wheat grass is working???) The doctor knew, even before she got "wandy" out, that I still had cysts. Sure enough, I have a 17 mm on the right and a 3cm on the left. Good news, we could great preggers off of the one follicle...the bad news...we have to wait until I get my "real" period. C'mon! Seriously...if this was a "pretend" period, was the bleeding necessary??? So, we play the waiting game again. My body just can't seem to rebound from the hormones that I injected into it in December. I think I'm most bummed out about the possibility of sacrificing our family trip to Florida, but in the scheme of things, it will all day be worth it.
I also realized, that this isn't the end of our journey. We WILL get pregnant. We WILL have a family. It's just on God's terms, not mine. Which, sometimes you just have to surrender yourself to nature and God's will.
The other thing I had an epiphany about is that other might view me as possibly emotionally fragile. I'm not going to lie, I have my moments. Don't we all though? I'm so happy for those around me that are conceiving and having families. I learned that what you give out is what you get back. So, I don't wish ill will towards any friends and family that are pregnant or who are trying to not be successful. That karma is just too dangerous to play with. Instead, my wise yoga teacher said, if you want love, wish love on the person that makes your skin crawl the most or to the person who needs it most, even if they get on your every last nerve. It takes a strong person to wish our "enemies" love and kindness, and in return, you will get back the same thing. So, I continue that philosophy, because I know that someday, our will to have several healthy and happy babies will come back to us.
It's not always easy to stay positive, but in the long run, it is so much better for my soul!
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